Reflecting back: Oct 9th 2014 

I found that there was a strong pull for me to try and teach and lead you while we were exploring in a natural setting in order to share a "nature experience".   I don't know if that is my training as an environmental educator, as a human being, or what I think my role as a parent is...most likely a blend of all the above. I am disappointed when you don't want to go outside. I also fear the possibility of pushing you away from building a bond with the natural world because it was something I wanted badly for you. It was hard to let go of intended outcomes I had for our urban wild adventures together. I definitely held expectations for what we were going to achieve on our explorations. What I learned was when I slowed down and just let the experience unfold, the best that I could, the more present I felt and the more we actually shared and experienced together. I found that what you mostly wanted to do when the two of us set out on a new urban wild adventure was to sit and snack... when I just wanted to go. It was hard for me to sit somewhere that I hadn't intended to sit. I don't know that you were always hungry but I began to think it was a comfort thing - giving you an opportunity to observe your new surroundings. Which ever the circumstances,  after a snack and both of us sitting still, I felt a sense of "letting go of expectations"   and a new level of comfort arriving for you. This was often followed by your nearby exploration: picking up cones, leaves and grass.  Eventually this nearby exploration would turn into you wandering surprisingly far from me in pursuit of a curiosity. This was the first time I had really experienced this with you. I often referred to you as my "lap child" - loving to stay close. I felt a mix of pride, excitement and cautiousness. I remember feeling that perhaps our urban wild adventures were offering me a deeper way to know you, myself as a parent and our relationship.